Charming, but single

“I want to see ‘Match Point’ this weekend,” I announced to a girlfriend over dinner. “Do you have plans Friday?” We hashed out a day. No shopping and movie for me on Saturday as I’m going out of town that afternoon. Sunday seemed too far away. Movie Friday, drinks after. And as I started to gush, “I love Scarlett Johan …” she interrupted me. “I have such a huge girl crush on Scarlett Johnansson!” she spit out enthusiastically. “Do you have a girl crush on Scarlett Johansson?” “Yes!” I sipped my wine and leaned over. “She is just great and I love her. And she is beautiful. I think she is just breathtaking.” “I know! I agree. And truth be told, I haven’t had a major girl crush since Kate Winslet,” my girlfriend confessed. “I mean, not that I don’t think Kate Winslet isn’t still really beautiful.” “She is very beautiful as well,” I said. “But I only have eyes for ScarJo.” “You call her ScarJo?” “Yes, yes, I do call her ScarJo. And I even buy magazines where she is on the cover. Like that one recently where she was in the purple and she looked so terrible on the cover and so great inside.” “Elle,” said my friend. “It was Elle. I bought it too. I love that she curses and says ‘F-ck’ a lot, but still seems intelligent. And her voice.” “Yes, husky, but sexy.” “More raspy than husky.” “Right,” I said. “And she is fabulous and curvy and she isn’t only four pounds.” “Yes! She certainly is beautiful and she has a very natural figure with some curves and she isn’t emaciated!” “Well, I did sort of have a thing for Lindsay Lohan,” I confessed. “Not a crush, just a mild obsession in that, ‘She is such a train wreck’ sort of way. And her crazy stupid publicist coming up with these explanations for things. Like, ‘Lindsay slipped while holding a teacup going upstairs in Bryan Adams house and cut her leg all up!’ I mean, whatever.” “Yeah, she is ridiculous. But I do like how ridiculous she is.” “Right, like getting a tattoo on her wrist that says ‘Breathe’ to remind her of her recent asthma attack,” I said. “I had an asthma attack recently and you don’t see me going to put ‘Breathe’ on my wrist! I mean, the Singulair and the inhaler are reminder enough.” “She did not! What’s the other wrist going to say?” my friend asked. “Eat?” We cracked up. “I read the big interview with Lindsay in like Vanity Fair or GQ or whatever,” my friend said. “The one where she was like, ‘Yeah, I do drugs and have an eating disorder? So?’” I asked. “That’s the one. And she just ended it in such a typical Lindsay Lohan fashion. She was saying that she was growing tired of people asking her if she was okay. And she said, ‘Damn right I’m ok, motherf-ckers,’ or something like that.” I thought for a second. “Is there really anything else but that to say?” And we just laughed.