Charming, but single

One year in college I didn't think I was going to have the night off for Halloween. In fact, I never thought I was going to have the night off for Halloween.

When I did, I had to pull together something quick. I wore a dress from a formal in high school (always always always keep your formal dresses handy, ladies!) and made a sash with toilet paper. I carried a toilet brush (I cleaned it well first). I teased my hair within an inch of its life.

I was "Miss Tidy Bowl."

It was horrible. People didn't get it and I spent most of the night explaining that I didn't accidentally have toilet paper stuck to my heel. By the end of the evening I lost my toilet brush and had to go buy a new one to clean the bathroom in my apartment. I left a pile of toilet paper in my path and I lost my sash. I looked like a very sad high school senior in a navy blue gown with bad hair and makeup who managed to sneak into a college bar and then realized that college bars aren't fun when you're in tall shoes and a floor-length gown.

I was miserable.

I gave up on costumes after this disaster. I am really bad at planning ahead. Now I go with the time-honored tradition of wearing something slutty and putting on a combo of animal ears and a nose. (This year I'm thinking of wearing a mini dress with wings! Like a Slutty Butterfly!)