Charming, but single

Things you should not put on your online dating profile: Pictures of you hugging different children who are obviously not your own. Seriously, dude, when I saw you hugging on young boys who look nothing like you, I thought you were a perv. Then I read your profile and saw that you were a teacher. But still, other people's kids on the profile? Not good. Pictures of you holding a gun. I know, I know, it isn't pointed AT me in the picture. But it IS pointed at the sky, which makes me think you might go crazy and start shooting up at the clouds while on a date with me, which would really cramp my style. References to how you don't mind shopping for clothes with a woman, but you hate having to shop for accessories, especially purses. That is a very specific kind of complaint and an odd one at that. You'll help me pick out a shirt but not shoes? Why are we going shopping together again? We haven't even been on a date yet! Also, I want to surprise you with how pretty I look all of the time and you shopping with me is going to ruin that. And the fact that you said that makes me think you regularly date women who insist on dragging you to the mall, which makes me think you're kind of a pushover. (Also, women? Please do not force your boyfriend to go shopping with you. Because I hate having to trip over bored men while I'm searching for the perfect jean or a new sweater. And I listen to them try to help you. And honestly, they're no good at it. They're scared to tell you anything negative about what you're trying on. Bring a girlfriend shopping instead.) That you're looking for a date within 300 miles of your home. I want a date, not a pen pal. References to sweating. Me sweating. You sweating. Us sweating together. My experience is that the guys who say they're going to make you sweat rarely do. Also, Southern Belles don't sweat. Because sweating makes you smell bad and look icky and Southern Belles NEVER smell bad or look icky. So we don't sweat. We glow.