Things I am scared of *
Published by charming, but single on 10.31.2006 at 10/31/2006 09:00:00 AM.
I have my quirks — a couple of things I do out of a bit of fear that is so mild and silly that it is more superstition or habit than anything else. Each night I go through the apartment to make sure that the lights are all off. As I walk from my dark living area and into my bedroom, I speed up my pace a little bit and as I get about a foot and a half from the edge of the mattress, I leap right into the bed and quickly crawl to the middle, never letting my feet get close to the edge. When I was little I was afraid a witch was going to grab my tiny little ankles and pull me right down into her lair, which was under my bed. And 20-some-odd years later, I am still worried about this — but only at night. I also always check to make sure no one is in the shower when I go in the bathroom. Anyone's bathroom. My bathroom, my friends' bathrooms, my parents' bathrooms, bathrooms at a hotel, bathrooms at parties. You don't even want to know how many gross showers I had to peak in when I was at parties in college at some crappy house shared by four boys with one bathroom that they cleaned maybe once a semester when their parents were coming to visit. It is a mild obsession. I know no one is in the shower. But until I see that for myself, I am tense. My sister is the same way. It was mildly reassuring for me to know that I wasn't the only one who was checking for a psycho (dressed in a very scary clown mask, natch) in the shower with my conditioner, shower gel and exfoliating mitt. "It just makes sense to hide in the bathroom if you're a crazy axe murderer," my sister explains. "Because you'd definitely catch the person off guard and with their pants down." Not me. Because I have a plan. If I ever find someone in my shower, I'm going to pull the shower rod down and whack them over the head with it. And then run screaming into my bedroom, lock the door, push something in front of it and call the police. I just hope the Witch isn't under the bed when I get in there. * I know "of which I am scared" is proper grammar. But, seriously.
