Charming, but single

A journal in dates and drinks


The man pool

(Forgive the winding thoughts ...) My girlfriends and I often lament the lack of quality men in our segment of the community here. Between all of us, it feels like we've pretty much dated, kissed, slept with, been rejected by or blown off the vast majority of acceptable suitors in and connected to our social circle. Seriously, not a night goes by that we don't run into the former object of a friend's affection -- guys we either can't date because it would be awkward or guys that we'd never want to date because we've learned from our friends' mistakes. (This is not totally accurate. There do exist a few guys who, even though they once were involved with a friend or drinking buddy, are fair game because they are able to exit relationships with skill and grace. Or so I've heard. I've yet to actually meet any of these men. ) The problem with the casualness of today's dating rituals is that you never know where "hanging out" ends and "dating" begins, which only compounds the problem of the shrinking pool of men in my demographic (educated, mid 20s to early 30s, has some sort of career goal) who are available to date. Since "dating" is such a casual and broad spectrum of activity, it's easy for people to splash through the pool quickly, leaving a school of confused swimmers in his or her wake. So when you and your girlfriends and the women you work with and your friends' roommates are all splashing in the same waters, you're often left in the shallow end with the guys with whom no one, um, wanted to synchronized swim . And it's FRUSTRATING. Try as I might, I can't really find anyone new in the man pool. I'd move to a new city, but I just got a cool new job in this one. So, I'm thinking about finding a new man pool. I'm not giving up on the demographic, I just think I'm going to start swimming in other waters. Like, instead of always going out in one neighborhood, I'm going to plan trips into bars in another. (What an AMAZING concept.) I'm still going to swim in the familiar waters, in hopes that I'm wrong. But I'll be planning field trips to inspect the specimens elsewhere. (We'll call it Charming, but Single Field Research.) What brought this on? Well, first off, I've been in a dating rut. I've been stuck on the same people and places for too long. I already have preconceived notions about most of them and they have their judgments about me. It's tiring and boring. Second, I need to start acting without a net. Right now, most guys I approach or who approach me are only about one or two degrees of separation from me. While that isn't necessarily bad, it is annoying because it makes it too easy to slip in and out of something without even realizing what you're doing. And it makes people lazy. The guy you're interested in doesn't call because your mutual friend finds out where you're going to be hanging out. And you know the mutual friend is going to bring the guy you're interested in, so you don't even bother to expect the basic courtesy of a phone call. And then all of the sudden you're 25 years old and you're getting all of this pressure to settle down and you realize that your dating life is so free form and relaxed that it's not even dating, just nights of drinks and cigarettes that sometimes end in an orgasm.



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Charming, but single is 25 26 27(!), lives in the Southern part of the U.S.A. and likes both her drinks and her boys tall. E-mail (listed below) her and she may respond. You can also IM her in AIM/AOL. (If she ever remembers to sign on.)
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Former taglines of this blog: "A Journal in Dates and Drinks" and "A Dateless Journal of Drinking."




Those Particulars
Some Backstory
Memories of the Way We Were
Updates and Towel Snapping
One Year Wrap-Up
Just As She Is
An Open Letter to Myself
After 26 years, she HAS learned something
An Open Letter to the Men Who Message Me Through Match
Sharing a smoke



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