Charming, but single

A journal in dates and drinks


Becoming the person she hates

I am an evil person. I deserve to have many mean things said of me.

I have been avoiding the IT Guy since our horrible date, during which he cried. And I feel really terrible about it.

I really do. (If I keep saying that it is true, it will be right?)

First I blocked him on my buddy list because I needed to have a strategy when I spoke to him. ("[IT Guy], you are great, but it is obvious that you are not over being divorced. This is too much for me to handle.") Also, because I was writing and I find it hard to write about someone when they're saying nice things to me. I'm sure this is a sign that I am conflicted. And I am. I do not want to go out with him again, for sure. But I feel bad for him because he is obviously a nice guy with more baggage than I care to handle.

So, first I blocked him on my buddy list. Just for Sunday, my writing day.

Then, I was having a busy day on Monday. And he called in the middle of the day. I have a firm rule against taking personal calls while at work. Even my mom knows this. My close friends and family have my desk line to call me directly if they need me – calls to my cell during work hours are avoided and typically ignored.

He also didn't leave a message, which is a huge pet peeve of mine. Unless you're a good friend or a family member, you leave a message. Because otherwise I can't know when it is best to call you back or what you want. Say you're calling to ask me out for a drink after work. How am I to know not to go straight home if you don't leave me a message? It's presumptuous to think I'm going to call back someone I do not know well if he or she can't be bothered to state the reason for his or her call.

So I didn't unblock him from my buddy list that night. Not because he didn't leave a voicemail. I didn't unblock him because I had a long day at work and wasn't feeling on top of my game. And because his lack of voicemail showed a lack of interest. (Also, did I mention that he cried on our second date?)

So Tuesday came and went about the same way. And on Wednesday he called again and left a very long, very odd message. Something about wanting to talk to me and trying to see if I'd answer my cell and then the rest made such little sense that I couldn't repeat it if I tried. The day was another long one (are we seeing a pattern here?) and all I really wanted to do was crawl into bed and watch Last Comic Standing and rest up. So he remained blocked.

Thursday night I had dinner with B and Friday night I went out downtown with some friends. Saturday I did laundry and Sunday was a family day.

My point? I should have just talked to him. Because now he knows I'm avoiding him and so I'm the bitch who is going to be like, "Yeah, I've had a really long week at work, but that's not why I didn't call you back, you crier, you." Because we all know that if he were a stomach flipper who made my knees weak, I would've called him back Monday after work, even without him leaving a message. Because Robert's Rules of Order don't matter when you like the guy.

Part of me feels as if I owe him an explanation. Part of me doesn't. We just went out twice, right? But on that note, he bought me coffee, a sushi dinner with wine, tickets to a movie and movie snacks. Not that I didn't offer to split with him.

Once a guy has spent more than two drinks worth of money on me, I start to feel a little beholden to him. No, I do not buy into the "paying for dinner means you owe me sex" mentality. No way. Hell no. But if you let a guy take you on two dates and pay and then decide you don't want to see him again, is it only fair that you let him down gently, instead of dropping off of the face of the earth? Wouldn't I be sitting here lashing out at a guy who did the same to me?

Is it hypocritical of me to ignore him? Or does the fact that he cried and talked about his ex-wife too much negate any responsibility I had to tell him why he doesn't get a third date? (Lord knows guys have not called me for less.)

Is all of this moot, seeing as it has been more than a week and he surely knows I'm avoiding him?



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Charming, but single is 25 26 27(!), lives in the Southern part of the U.S.A. and likes both her drinks and her boys tall. E-mail (listed below) her and she may respond. You can also IM her in AIM/AOL. (If she ever remembers to sign on.)
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Former taglines of this blog: "A Journal in Dates and Drinks" and "A Dateless Journal of Drinking."




Those Particulars
Some Backstory
Memories of the Way We Were
Updates and Towel Snapping
One Year Wrap-Up
Just As She Is
An Open Letter to Myself
After 26 years, she HAS learned something
An Open Letter to the Men Who Message Me Through Match
Sharing a smoke



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